~SUHANI~
I was lying down on the bed, facing the ceiling with tears still streaming down my face.
I've accepted the proposal which means that now I've to get married to a stranger, will have to force myself into a relationship I've ran from all through my life, will have to become like all other women who disappeared in this relationship, will have to lose myself.
I really can't understand why the concept of settling down involves marriage. Why can't one settle down without having to get married? Why just we have to get married ultimately?
This very concept of marriage is flawed, full of flaws. I mean it is only helpful to men as it get them maid to do their chores but for girls it is nothing less than a cage.
A cage where you have to listen, endure all the taunts, have to cover you face till the neck so that you don't get any man excited just by showing your face, have to do all the chores without excepting any appreciation, respect in return and by any chance you question it, suddenly you are shameless, characterless and what not.
The marriage is just another way of holding a woman by neck disguising it as masculinity and tradition.
Just all these thoughts are making my heart beat run faster than a train.
I don't what my life would be after few days, I don't know if I'll be able to identify myself in the mirror, I don't know if I'll remain the same Suhani, whom I've always been proud of.
As I was lost in thoughts, a knock on the door rang through my ears making me pull back from my thoughts.
I sat up on the bed.
Who could it be at this time?
Deciding to check who was it I stepped down the bed but my reflection in the mirror stopped me. I was mess.
Tears stain all over my face, hair dishevled, clothes out of the place where they should be.
I was looking like I've been starved and caged in this room for days.
So, I decided to look presentable first and moved my feet towards the bathroom.
I stood infront of basin, took the facewash and started rubbing it with the force as if it could erase whats I've hold inside of me, could wash off everything that has happened in just a span of few hours.
Keeping my thoughts at bay and making my appearance presentable, I stepped out of the room.
I went towards the door then and opened it only to find none other than bhaiya, with a face full of worry, anger and uncertainty.
Upon seeing him the emotions, the vulnerability took over me again, my eyes filled with tears and I remembered what's weighing me down since the noon, but I didn't let it show on my face.
Because if he saw the tears and the fear in my eyes then he will understand that all this arrangement is forced, that I am not into this willingly.
So, instead I pulled the practiced smile, that I always pulled when everything was heavy on my heart and asked
"What happened bhaiya?"
Instead of answering, he just looked at mg face for a moment and asked
"Kya main andar aa jaun?"
(Can I come in?)
"Aapko puchne ki jarurat nahi hain, bhaiya."
(You don't need to ask, brother.)
I stepped aside, then so as to let him enter.
As he entered, I stood infront of him.
For a moment we stood silently, not uttering a single word.
"Ye sab main kya sun raha hu, Suhani"
(What's all this that I am listening, Suhani?)
My body stiffened for a second at his question. But I quickly pulled myself together.
"Kya, bhaiya?"
(What, brother?)
His faced changed into something unreadable for a second.
"Don't play innocent, Suhani." Then after a moment he added "I am talking about your marriage."
I remained silent and lowered my gaze because I knew the moment I looked into his eyes he will get to know.
"Suhani-"
My eyes filled at his softened voice full of tenderness.
Collecting myself, I looked up into his eyes.
"Did you agree on this? Did they force you?"
He asked.
"No, bhaiya. Noone forced me. I agreed myself for this proposal."
He didn't look convinced.
"Suhani, you know right that I will stand by you. I won't let anything wrong happen to you."
"I know, bhaiya."
"Then why are you lying? Why aren't you telling me the truth?"
I gulped and tried very hard, as much as I can, to hide the truth.
"I am not lying, bhaiya. I am willing to get married."
He rubbed his palm all over his face, maybe in exaggeration.
"Then what about your studies?"
That question stirred something inside me.
An emotion that I am trying so hard to keep at its bay.
"I don't want to study anymore, bhaiya."
His eyes widened in disbelief for a second.
"Are you in your right mind?"
Inhaling a deep breath, I said
"Yes, bhaiya. I have decided now. I don't want to study anymore. I want to settle down in my life."
He looked back for a second in frustration before looking back at me with eyes full of anger.
"What are you saying, Suhani?" he continued "What about your dream of becoming a lawyer?"
"I don't want anything anymore. I just want to settle down and have a family of my own."
I said after much effort.
"Ain't I your family? and What in the world are you saying?"
He said, restraining his anger.
"You are, bhaiya. You are the first one for me to call family."
I said after pausing for a moment.
"It's just. I don't want to become anything now. I am tired."
He heaved a deep sigh.
"Do whatever the hell you want."
He left after shouting these words at me in anger.
Just as he left, I broke down. My knees gave up. I sat down helplessl, putting my head on the corner of bed.
I am ruining everything with my very own hands. I am ruining myself, my brother's trust on me. I am ruining everything.
The words of my brother echoed loudly in the back of my head. The vulnerability and anger in his voice made me cry even more.
I am pathetic, weak, vulnerable. I dream of being a lawyer so that I can save women from their misery but here I cannot save myself from being a miser.
I can't do anything. I know bhaiya can help me in this, but baba has clearly asked me to keep him out of this. I know if I dare to defy him the consequences will not only upon me but for my brother too.
And I do not wish that for my brother who has done nothing but has sacrificed himself for my betterment all through his life.
I can do this much for him right. I can make atleast one sacrifice from my side. I can return his favour by this right?
But I know the sacrifice I am intending to make won't do anything better but ruin my life.
And, I am willing to ruin myself if it means to save my brother from baba.
Hey everyone!
How was the chapter? Tell me in the comments.
Vote if you feel like it.
Write a comment ...