~SUHANI~
I am preparing tea currently for the guests outside in the lawn. They are not any ordinary guests, they are here to see me for marriage.
My baba has arranged the meeting with them for my marriage with a boy of 28 year old and is an accountant, these are the bits of information I could eavesdrop on. Unfortunately, I couldn't hear the name of boy.
I don't want to get married yet, instead I want to become a lawyer to help the women out of their misery, to become someone those ladies can lean on but unfortunately, my family thinks that it would make me shameless and by this I would be the reason for their insult within the society. My bhaiya fought for it but he couldn't win over baba.
I am afraid of getting married, of the responsibilities and torture that comes with it. I tried my best to delay the marriage as much as I could and I was lucky to stall them for 3 years, otherwise they would have get me married at the age of 18-19 but now they aren't listening to me by saying that the society is taunting them for not getting me married as if I am some kind of burden.
I just hope that my husband would be a little generous. I don't hope for any grand gestures from him. I just want him to not raise his hands at me and to respect me. I don't want anything more than this because the hope for grand gestures has been killed by my family.
My mother said to me yesterday that whatever a husband does is right and a wife has always to bow infront of her husband no matter what. In return I asked what if he beats me to which she replied that we as women should learn to adjust and accept whatever our husband gives us even if its beatings.
My heart shattered at those words she said the very thing that I've feared my whole life.
The irony here, I dreamt of saving other women from the misery and here I can't afford to save myself from this unwanted marriage.
With the thoughts still swirling in my mind I poured the tea into cups along with some snacks. I stood there silently after preparing the tray filled with tea and snacks because my mother has asked me to wait here till she comes.
I could hear the murmurs of conversation happening in lawn. My hands are shivering and I can't stand straight, I am shifting my weight from my one foot to other. All the murmurs and conversations are making my anxiety rise even more.
I don't know where this would lead to, whether this arrangement would result into marriage or any other arrangement would be made.
Just then, my mother came into the kitchen, her half of the face covered with ghunghat (veil).
"Let's go, everyone is calling for you."
I nodded lightly.
As I was going to lift the tray in my hands and move on in the lawn, my mother said
"Arree, what are you doing?"
I startled at her slightly raised tone and turned back to see her with the crease inbetween my brows.
Then, she lifted the pallu and covered my face.
"Don't ever forget to put on veil infront of elders as now you are going to get married."
Here we go again with these stupid things.
Though I nodded reluctantly.
We both made our way towards the lawn my mother just beside me, her hand lightly resting on my arm, maybe to provide me some strength.
I was walking with my head bowed, eyes at my feet to not stumble on the way due to this veil, with tray in my hands.
As we reached, my father said
"Lijiye aa gayi hamari Suhani."
(See, our Suhani is here.)
I placed the tray down on the table, around which everyone was seated.
Just as I retreat to where I was standing. My mother whispered lightly in my ear.
"Go and touch everyone's feet."
I moved forward at her words and started to touch everyone's feet.
As I was touching everyone's feet without looking up who is it, a pair of foot pulled back as I was going to touch them. I looked up and saw a blurred image of a man due to the veil, with perfectly trimmed beard, calm eyes and perfectly combed hair, maybe he is the one.
Then in a vey low tone he said
"Rehne dijiye."
(Let it be.)
As on cue, a middle aged woman interrupted and said
"Why are you denying? Let her touch your feet. It's tradition."
with a slightly uncomfortable tone.
"No, maa." He said just only two words and his mother fell silent.
Not minding much I moved forward and touched the remaining one's feet.
This all is a show. A show of decency. All men do is a show off to get the woman and use them afterwards. I've seen many such cases, where the boy treated the girl with respect and generosity before marriage. Then, afterwards show their true colours by beating and treating their wives as an object, an object that doesn't have emotions, that doesn't feel pain and is made to work like a machine.
My very close friend has gone through this already. At the start, her husband treated her like princess, like she is the centre of his world, like she is his everything. But, just as a couple of months passed by his husband started beating her, started torturing her both emotionally and physically. She got pregnant just after three months of marriage, even then the torture didn't stop, her in-laws started threatening her for getting a grand son. They threatened to the extent that once lively girl gone silent, started flinching at the slight sounds near her, stopped talking to everyone even to her parents and her parents too didn't take any actions and dismissed it by saying that every women has to adjust.
Now, she is not in my contact anymore. I don't know anything about her now. I just hope that wherever she is, is safe.
My train of thoughts broke as my mother called my name and pressed my hands gently.
"Suhani, behenji is asking something.", said my mother in a very calm and reassuring tone.
I lifted my head lightly and saw the same middle aged woman who interrupted before from behind the veil. She was asking something, maybe.
"Beta, What are your hobbies?", she asked.
If I really tell you my hobbies, you'll sprint away from here like a rat that saw a cat hunting for it.
So, I said what my mother made me to practice if this quetion comes.
"Ji, I can do stitching, weaving, cooking." I replied in a very meek tone that I doubt if anyone heard it.
"Good, Can you do household chores?"
I knew this question will come because after all women are made only for household chores. Right?
"Yes, I can."
She nodded.
Then the conversations went on between my father and another man of my father's age, his father, maybe.
I was still tangled into my own thoughts. I'm very afraid of this. Will he beat me? Will he force me to get physically intimate with him? Will his family make me work all day and night? Will I ever exist as my ownself, be known by my own name?
A calm, composed tone pierced between my thoughts. The voice said
"Um, Can I talk to her alone?"
After his words the silence prevailed and my heart beat started pounding so loudly that I doubt everyone present here can hear it.
Because it is so uncommon for bride and groom to meet alone, every decision is taken by the elders only. The bride and groom are not even asked for consent most of the times. They just go with what elders decide.
Then after a moment of silence my father spoke in a very unsure tone.
"Alone?"
"Ji, I want to talk to her about some things in private."
Private.
The lone word sent a shiver down my spine. It made me anxious to the core and my hand started shivering slightly.
I clenched my eyes shut behind my veil and prayed to every god I could remember that my father would deny this. But he shattered my this hope too, by saying
"Ok, As you wish beta."
No. Please no. Don't do this. I don't know what kind of man he is. I can't bear to talk to him alone. What if touch me, when in alone? No, I can't let this happen. But I can't go against my father's words.
My father has always warned me to be a hand-length away from boys. He let me study with this condition only. He said that I talk to any boy then the society would question my character. And now, he is letting himself meet this man in alone who we don't even know for more than an hour.
My mother said to me, then
"Take him to the terrace."
Oh! how badly I wish for my bhaiya to be here. He would have saved me from this situation then but unfortunately, he's out for some important work.
I stood up and started walking towards the terrace and his footsteps followed me.
They didn't even ask me if I wanted to meet him or not. They just took the decision on my behalf as if my consent, my feelings, my opinions didn't matter.
What am I even expecting? They didn't ask me before setting this arrangement then why would they ask now?
With the thoughts still swirling in my mind we reached the terrace.
We stood facing each other.
My head bowed down, staring at my feet.
I don't know where would this lead to.
This was it for this chapter. I hope you guys liked it.
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